There's no such thing as a winnable war, it's a lie we don't believe anymore

The shower is Bucky’s refuge when his head feels like it will explode as his mind tries to fill in the blank spaces. The warm water is soothing and rhythmic and he is capable of sitting under it for hours, even when the water grows cold. It is where he retreats to after meeting Steve and Natalia in the corridors.

He sits on the tiles with a knee drawn up, and his metal hand pushing his hair up in silent frustration. Each time he shuts his eyes he sees her knowing smirk. Different outfits and hair colours play like a movie reel on his eyelids.

We were a little more than partners.

He knows he met her in Russia and they took his memories from him. Had he been human then? A person rather than a weapon? Yes. He feels a warmth, hears a whisper of a promise that together they are human. He pushes at the thought, trying to explore it. Pain lances through his mind like the electric shock therapy, they don’t want him to remember.

He’s stubborn, he persists,he will not let them win again.

The result is akin to a migraine, and Bucky does not leave his room for forty-eight hours. But…he’s happier, he knows a little, enough to start a conversation. He stands a little straighter, and does not stick to the shadows. His metal fingers trace the room list until he finds her name.

He strides down to her room and knocks on the door.

“Natalia, open up.”